Who decides identity?

I have often found myself challenged by my greatest enemy…insecurity/doubt…When I’m at my best it is easy to blow off the accusations of others.  When I am vulnerable I become hurt, angry & defensive…typically because I’m afraid “it’s true.”  The beautiful irony of the Creator’s wisdom is it often holds together what would appear to be contradictory.

So some recent accusation (testing if you will) have been made of the claims I make in my personal identity.  They include poser, troll, nose, imposter, charlatan & fake.  They come like this, “Bitch you don’t know shit,” “you can’t understand cause you haven’t had to deal with…(fill in the blank).  More often they come in the form of challenges to my core beliefs – like when a couple of friends are in conflict and want me to pick sides or get triangulated between them.  Or when I open my mouth with something I know won’t be pleasant to hear, and then I get the blow back I never like feeling.  My ego wants to step in and make better what I cannot.

For those that need to hear I am able to say that I have learned much about love & grace surviving in both the bush alone & on inner city streets alone.  Some of the things I’ve learned…

*A true hunter hunts only for what is needed, utilizes all that can be, gives thanks for the life and gives forward what is of abundance.

*A warrior fights for the sake of Justice AND Mercy, Peace & Freedom.

*Wild is NOT evil.

*The Light is most bright in the midst of the darkness.

*Respect an OG, you can’t hustle a hustler, & Never - I repeat Never underestimate a Bitch.

Truth…the voice is an old internal voice and one the world reinforces.  Truth…the voice helps me to check myself, own my shit and take responsibility for my actions.  Also true is that it lies to me, trying to convince me that because I have darkness within I am not acceptable, that I do not belong, that I have no place.

I am a white faced girl, with Mexican, Chiricahua & Italian heritage, raised by a demon, left to the streets, indoctrinated by the systems, filled with the Spirit and given a voice that is not my own.  I smoke cannabis daily as my medicine, I speak Gospel as inspired, I live humbly and act with justice/mercy as I learn.

As I walk the path set before me, I look behind to see where I’ve come.  I look ahead to see where I might be headed.  I look around me to learn what is possible AND delight in what is.

I have come to recognize that the “I” has given me individuality & choice, freedom & responsibility.  However, I also recognize the “I” cannot be without “WE.” 

Biologically I am made from the same material the rest of the world is made up of.  I have DNA that is encoded with what I need to be.  My existence has already been sanctioned with or without your approval.  I have experienced evil at the hands of others.  I have participated in evil with my own hands.  I have acted with ignorance & with wisdom.  I have known violence and choose peace.  I have known hate & choose Love.  I have known poverty & am one of the richest women I know.  I have known Fear & choose to Live. 

What sets humanity apart is not its superiority or its own since of superiority.  What sets humanity apart is we have been given the freedom to choose.

      

I am as I am & as I choose to become…

Instinctual needs for Love & Freedom

No longer bound by shame & insecurity...I know freedom...one of my favorite prophetic voices was Martin Luther of the Reformation...in speaking about the way it is to live the freedom given through faith, he addressed the question of what it might look like...two of his quotes that resonate with both the wild in me that draws me to be independent & the draw in me to be loved in family & community...


In addressing "Christian Freedom" he states..."I am the perfect Lord of all subject to none, I am the perfectly dutiful servant of all subject to all." In addressing the fear propagated by church doctrines that use fear to motivate, Luther reminds us of Divine unconditional acceptance - LOVE...and encourages us not in doing harm but in not fearing to Love fully stating, "Sin Boldly!"


Christian Faith is NOT about keeping your ass out of hell, getting a free ride to be destructive nor is it about "don't worry be happy" - Life is hard... Love is beautiful...shit happens... healing is possible... Shame & Blame have failed...Look within to awaken to what is around you...

Prophets – The Real Shit

In modern times, there are any number of misconceptions of what a prophet was, or wasn't in the time of Ancient Hebrews.  Every time a war breaks out, tensions between nations arise, massive death due to natural disasters of some kind, there is a shout out for the “End Times, Last Days, Judgment Day etc.”  Thing is the end of the world comes for us all it happens when we stop breathing.  In that moment judgment is made – your body whether it decides for itself – cause that’s what bodies do, or “it’s just our time”, or some type of divine intervention – the judgment is – your finished in this world – we don’t exactly “know” with any certainty what comes next. 

I resist the designation prophet.  I was taught that the “age of prophets” is over, the prophets where “holy,” “saintly” “respected” “priestly.” So let me flush this out a bit.  Indeed some were priests and carried official title to the claim prophet.  Most were ordinary folks, shepherds, scribes, merchants and farmers.  They all grew to be deeply faithful to the Creator.  Moses known as the “Law Giver”, a slave, advocate and activist; Deborah in the book of Judges is recognized as a “prophetess” is a Judge or Governor – Indeed folks even in the ancient world a woman could aspire; Samuel a miracle child given over to be a priest – anointer of Kings; Elijah the international diplomat; Elisha the miracle worker; Isaiah likely an academic & scribe; Jeremiah the reluctant whiner; Jonah the rebellious prosecutioner; Daniel the visionary & dream interpreter, and many more greater & lesser, men & women. 

I write as one who believes, prays, and studies history, culture, social and governing structures along with ponders, dreams, questions & experiences life.  I write as one “inspired” by/through this reality.  I see, hear, smell, taste & touch the world around me.  I feel emotions deeply, those that come boiling up from within, & those that radiate from others.  As a result I am keenly aware of injustice & am outraged – AND – I have experienced the power of divine love & forgiveness.  I experience - I see - I ponder - I pray – I hear – I speak – I name what is and what is probable – I live in reality and speak with faithful Hope.

Each of the prophets, within the context they found themselves, questioned, prayed, experienced – FELT - and SPOKE – into that context – what was and what could be – named the truth in reality, pointing to the probable consequences – for good or ill – and offered hope.  Those that got in the book got in because – in spite of each being persecuted in their time – what they said was truth and revealed itself by becoming reality. 

Do the prophets speak to us today?  Damn straight they do – not because they knew our future – but because they understood the reality of their circumstances, interpreted that reality, were inspired to speak into that reality and it came to fruition.  AND, guess what folks– we are human and we have a tendency to repeat history.   Are there present day prophets?  That is for you to decide.  

Live Freely – Love Fully – Speak Boldly 

Respect - Sex - Faith

Because I seem to attract a wide range of individuals from all walks of like -  AND I DO MEAN ALL - I realize that some here (that is those on my fb page)- do not - whether by ignorance or just plain being a fucktard - don't have a sense of common respect - so I will again offer a word...

Give the respect you expect - that means if you want to be treated in a certain way - then treat yourself & other that way...

Example - just because this is fb land & we are "free" to do & be what we please - doesn't mean our words & behavior doesn't affect others - my language is often offensive to some - they have the choice to pay attention to it or not - more often what they find offensive is the fact that my core speaks to a truth that cuts across most comfort zones - including my own...

So - a more practical example - SEX - with all the mixed messages from - old school to - free sex - that are out there - let me offer my opinions about practical guidelines...shits & giggles aside...Now I'm not a Nanny - nor do I wish to be - but if you are on my fb page & I hear of multiple accounts of abusive behavior - I will confront you directly, I will block & report you if you persist...I am also speaking from the experienced perspective of a hetero woman...the following can apply to you for either gender...

First - Guys - it is true we ladies like sex too - it is NOT typically true that it is a turn on to have some asshole message us a pic of his package as an introduction - nor start a conversation with a lude comment...playtime happens within relationship - you have to get to know someone at least a little, before taking it there - otherwise it is unwanted - unsolicited abuse...There is a difference between flirtation, playful adult innuendo & outright vulgarity - learn it...

Second - Ladies - exploring playtime is a healthy & healing process - because of the mixed messages we have received about our bodies - AND THEY ARE OUR BODIES - and what it is to be a woman - but you need to know your limits - set your boundaries & be cautious - do not accept what is unacceptable to you  - if you are old school or easily offended then don't put yourself out there in a way that will be misread - it only serves to add to the damage - I would encourage you to look at yourself as you would your own child - what would you want for her? How do you see her? How would you nurture & love her?  Remember you too are a child worthy of love...treat yourself accordingly - fake it till you believe it - if your have to...practice makes perfect...

As for the faith perspective & scriptures - again the scriptures have less to do with how we go about fucking each other - and more about how we use power to fuck each other over...to discover the truth one must filter through the layers of historical, cultural, societal context - in the first (old) testament women were typically seen as property & had no rights or protection - until the law was given (God's gift of grace by the way)...in the new - the playing field is leveled - even & especially for St. Paul - who most think to be chauvinist - he is more like our first feminist - he points out repeatedly that there is no longer distinctions of class, race, gender etc...always balancing his opinions for both parties in the relationship - from his historical/cultural/social perspective - ultimately it comes back to the only law given - the law of love - active & sacred...love God/life - love the other - and love the self...what that looks like only you can decide - God knows your heart - and that is all that counts...

Live Freely - Love Fully - Speak Boldly     Namaste...Author Jesus' Bitch

Do we know the value of of a gift?

Random thoughts of Jesus' Bitch

I've seen a number of news posts of gang violence running rampant again in the big cities - including the shooting of a 5yr old boy here in Portland...

I have been overwhelmed with what I have learned of the history & fight to reclaim a God given plant for the use & benefit of medicine for mind - body & spirit...

I have witnessed the damage to creature & tree, earth & air & water - that our consumption & reckless disregard for life has caused...

Sad truth of this age - we have attached a $$ value to everything including the spirit - attempting to make the gift of life a commodity with a price tag - turning economics into our religion - I will not give up without a fight - that which was freely given - I will give that which I have been given...for the sake of love...for I do not value the $$...

I cry out with Divine breath in lament & call upon the Great Spirit to teach us to walk the path that values & promotes life...May mother earth forgive our destruction and give us what is needed to heal...

Celebration of "Independence"

Religious tradition notwithstanding - biology reveals that life is interdependent - fuck with the balance & the whole system goes outta whack - from the loss of a species that can cause another species population to explode with huge ramifications - to the reality that we humans can't even reproduce without another human...

Whether we like it or not we are bound & dependent on one another...So what then can we say of the concept of freedom?

Freedom/Liberty – Divine freedom – or love – is a gift of grace – a freely given gift – no strings attached – God/I am/Jesus/Spirit (higher power) - saying in action – “I insist on freeing you from the condemnation of the law (the imposed limits of your behavior - the rules/boundaries - civil, religious - stated & unstated - public & private) – "I insist on freeing you from the guilt & shame of not living up to them - by loving you even when your fuckin shit up – you can’t earn it – and you can’t make me stop loving you – but you are free to choose” – which means you are also free to walk away & not accept the gift…although to reject it is deadly – not cause God thinks or wants you punished – but because God/Creator/Great Spirit/Earth is the source of Life – walking away from life = death…It is a simple mathematical equation…

This means we are free - the question then becomes what/how shall we live that freedom? At the heart of almost every faith tradition I've come across is the concept of Love. Not a simplified, superficial emotion & hormonal state...

Love – active divine (or Agape) love that infuses all relationships cares for the other & lives freely in such a way that recognizes the gift, beauty & autonomy of the other - one can't be forced to love - love is compelled in freedom - & revealed in interdependence – the emotions of love are simply a bonus.

Love is revealed in relationship – with the divine, the self, the other, the community, society, the critter, the tree, the earth, the cosmos.

So what has all this to do with Independence day? Just this - no matter if we claim Christian tradition, Pagan, Buddhism, Native Spirituality or other tradition which speaks to love, respect & freedom...Love teaches the balance that brings responsibility into play...not for the sake of blame & shame - but rather to restore & heal the damage created by being out of balance - Christian tradition calls it salvation - to heal, restore, make whole within relationship...

Jesus said "I leave you with one command (one law) Love as you have been loved by me"

So I offer my thoughts as we celebrate the notion of Independence in the US - the leaders on both sides are only muppets in the same drama that has repeated itself at nauseum over the eons - till the people get sick & tired of being sick & tired sheeple nothing changes - the gluttony for power & $$ is allowed to reign free - for the masses - our biases are used to control & manipulate us - distracting us from the real danger - we the sheeple are being herded by wolves - for LOVE's sake it's time to clip the wool out of our eyes & away from our ears...lest we become the main course at the feast where mint jelly is the key condiment...

St.Paul was insistent in his letter to the early church - about this Divine gift, he was especially vehement in his letter to the Galatians who were in-fighting based on their biases & differences, "For Freedom Christ has set you free - therefore do not submit again to the yolk of slavery." (5:1) Live Freely - Love Fully - Speak Boldly

A few Questions folks have asked me to address...

What do you place value in/on? 

Life – all life, human, critter, plant, earth

Love – active divine (or Agape) love that infuses all relationships – the emotions of love are simply a bonus.  Love is revealed in relationship – with the divine, the self, the other, the community, society, the earth, the cosmos.  (Also see Post L-O-V-E is a four letter word)

Freedom/Liberty – Divine freedom – or God’s love revealed in/through Jesus – is a gift of grace – a freely given gift – no strings attached – God saying in action – “I insist on freeing you from the condemnation of the law – guilt & shame - by loving you even when your fuckin shit up – you can’t earn it – and you can’t make me stop loving you – but you are free to choose” – which means you are also free to walk away & not accept the gift…although to reject it is deadly – not cause God thinks or wants you punished – but because God/Creator/Great Spirit is the source of Life – walking away from life = death…It is a simple mathematical equation…

Truth – that which points to what is real & has meaning, and may or may not be tangible…

Faith – trusting/believing in that which can only be revealed – the assurance of hope – the conviction of that which is not certainty…

Peace/Shalom – a sense of internal well being – and what comes with the external experience of Love, Freedom, Truth & Faith

What is the difference between faith & religion? 

Faith is found within relationship (self to cosmos - as above)…religion is everything we add to explain the “rules” or morality of practicing that faith – from the language or form of how we teach it – pass it on – to the ritual acts used to celebrate a faith (ie – church)…to how we live into or express what we believe…

What ticks me off? 

Injustice
Deceit
Abuse
Cruelty
Self righteousness
Judgmental-ism
Arrogance
Guilt
Pity
Shame
Rules - LOL

What makes me happy? 

The positive experience of my values expressed to/through/for/with me

What do you mean when you say you are witness?

A witness speaks to – points to – lives – practices - those things that reveal truth…it is an act of living faith… A witness can only speak to their experience of the evidence…A witness cannot be judge, prosecutor or jury…