I have often found myself challenged by my greatest enemy…insecurity/doubt…When I’m at my best it is easy to blow off the accusations of others. When I am vulnerable I become hurt, angry & defensive…typically because I’m afraid “it’s true.” The beautiful irony of the Creator’s wisdom is it often holds together what would appear to be contradictory.
So some recent accusation (testing if you will) have been made of the claims I make in my personal identity. They include poser, troll, nose, imposter, charlatan & fake. They come like this, “Bitch you don’t know shit,” “you can’t understand cause you haven’t had to deal with…(fill in the blank). More often they come in the form of challenges to my core beliefs – like when a couple of friends are in conflict and want me to pick sides or get triangulated between them. Or when I open my mouth with something I know won’t be pleasant to hear, and then I get the blow back I never like feeling. My ego wants to step in and make better what I cannot.
For those that need to hear I am able to say that I have learned much about love & grace surviving in both the bush alone & on inner city streets alone. Some of the things I’ve learned…
*A true hunter hunts only for what is needed, utilizes all that can be, gives thanks for the life and gives forward what is of abundance.
*A warrior fights for the sake of Justice AND Mercy, Peace & Freedom.
*Wild is NOT evil.
*The Light is most bright in the midst of the darkness.
*Respect an OG, you can’t hustle a hustler, & Never - I repeat Never underestimate a Bitch.
Truth…the voice is an old internal voice and one the world reinforces. Truth…the voice helps me to check myself, own my shit and take responsibility for my actions. Also true is that it lies to me, trying to convince me that because I have darkness within I am not acceptable, that I do not belong, that I have no place.
I am a white faced girl, with Mexican, Chiricahua & Italian heritage, raised by a demon, left to the streets, indoctrinated by the systems, filled with the Spirit and given a voice that is not my own. I smoke cannabis daily as my medicine, I speak Gospel as inspired, I live humbly and act with justice/mercy as I learn.
As I walk the path set before me, I look behind to see where I’ve come. I look ahead to see where I might be headed. I look around me to learn what is possible AND delight in what is.
I have come to recognize that the “I” has given me individuality & choice, freedom & responsibility. However, I also recognize the “I” cannot be without “WE.”
Biologically I am made from the same material the rest of the world is made up of. I have DNA that is encoded with what I need to be. My existence has already been sanctioned with or without your approval. I have experienced evil at the hands of others. I have participated in evil with my own hands. I have acted with ignorance & with wisdom. I have known violence and choose peace. I have known hate & choose Love. I have known poverty & am one of the richest women I know. I have known Fear & choose to Live.
What sets humanity apart is not its superiority or its own since of superiority. What sets humanity apart is we have been given the freedom to choose.
I am as I am & as I choose to become…