Sunday, October 12, 2014

Who decides identity?

I have often found myself challenged by my greatest enemy…insecurity/doubt…When I’m at my best it is easy to blow off the accusations of others.  When I am vulnerable I become hurt, angry & defensive…typically because I’m afraid “it’s true.”  The beautiful irony of the Creator’s wisdom is it often holds together what would appear to be contradictory.

So some recent accusation (testing if you will) have been made of the claims I make in my personal identity.  They include poser, troll, nose, imposter, charlatan & fake.  They come like this, “Bitch you don’t know shit,” “you can’t understand cause you haven’t had to deal with…(fill in the blank).  More often they come in the form of challenges to my core beliefs – like when a couple of friends are in conflict and want me to pick sides or get triangulated between them.  Or when I open my mouth with something I know won’t be pleasant to hear, and then I get the blow back I never like feeling.  My ego wants to step in and make better what I cannot.

For those that need to hear I am able to say that I have learned much about love & grace surviving in both the bush alone & on inner city streets alone.  Some of the things I’ve learned…

*A true hunter hunts only for what is needed, utilizes all that can be, gives thanks for the life and gives forward what is of abundance.
*A warrior fights for the sake of Justice AND Mercy, Peace & Freedom.
*Wild is NOT evil.
*The Light is most bright in the midst of the darkness.
*Respect an OG, you can’t hustle a hustler, & Never - I repeat Never underestimate a Bitch.

Truth…the voice is an old internal voice and one the world reinforces.  Truth…the voice helps me to check myself, own my shit and take responsibility for my actions.  Also true is that it lies to me, trying to convince me that because I have darkness within I am not acceptable, that I do not belong, that I have no place.

I am a white faced girl, with Mexican, Chiricahua & Italian heritage, raised by a demon, left to the streets, indoctrinated by the systems, filled with the Spirit and given a voice that is not my own.  I smoke cannabis daily as my medicine, I speak Gospel as inspired, I live humbly and act with justice/mercy as I learn.

As I walk the path set before me, I look behind to see where I’ve come.  I look ahead to see where I might be headed.  I look around me to learn what is possible AND delight in what is.

I have come to recognize that the “I” has given me individuality & choice, freedom & responsibility.  However, I also recognize the “I” cannot be without “WE.” 

Biologically I am made from the same material the rest of the world is made up of.  I have DNA that is encoded with what I need to be.  My existence has already been sanctioned with or without your approval.  I have experienced evil at the hands of others.  I have participated in evil with my own hands.  I have acted with ignorance & with wisdom.  I have known violence and choose peace.  I have known hate & choose Love.  I have known poverty & am one of the richest women I know.  I have known Fear & choose to Live. 

What sets humanity apart is not its superiority or its own since of superiority.  What sets humanity apart is we have been given the freedom to choose.

I am as I am & as I choose to become…


Ama Nazra said...

Gloriana, you are wonderful. No true soul exists without darkness, otherwise they would never learn to shine.

We love you

Ginamarie Pezzi said...

Thank you Ama...:-)

Raymond Thai said...

I just got done reading your page. I have to say it was a nice read. at the beginning you talked a little about how sometimes people might see God as a mean God or one that has set the bar to high for us to reach. At first I thought like this and that is what drove me away from church when I was younger. but I have came to realize that what I thought God was like was wrong. He is... to put it simple, A God of love. we are his children and he loves every one of us. he loves us so much that he will let us choose how we live are life. Even if that means we push him away. that does not mean he ever stops loving us or even stops helping us. I think when we push him away we stop hearing him speak to us. Then some other people ask me about Hell and how could a God burn someone forever like that or punish them forever in hell. Well I always tell them that the Gift of God is eternal life and without Jesus as are savoir we get death. So I tell them Yes I believe in Hell but no I do not believe it is forever because the bible teaches that only people that takes Jesus as there lord and savoir gets to have eternal life. I ask them would it make sense for people in hell to have eternal life when the bible teaches the wages of sin is death? Sometimes with the people that know the bible a bit better then ask me, well what about the bible talking about the eternal flame. but I remind them that sodom and gomorrah was destroyed by this same flame but that does not mean that the city is still on fire it just means the actions of the flames are permanent. when a person goes to hell they are punished for a time then it is like they are burned up into nothingness. it is permanent and there is no coming back from it. But even know we live in sin God has given us a way to be saved and to be remade without sin. Thru Jesus this is possible. Well I guess I got a little long winded there for a second. I just wanted to say that I like your views and you seem like a nice person. Keep spreading the truth. God bless you.