A VENT...from my Pain...if you can't handle it...don't read it....I just need to vent...You can't fix it...& I don't want any pity...
Sitting here one more morning...woke up...if you can call it that...didn't actually rest...cold sweats & needles...nerves zaps & muscle aches...bones throbbing in various places...bowels cramped & a migraine the size of TX...
You know I've spent a lot of time believing the system...telling me how to make what my parents did to me better...ONLY to realize they too where victims of this FUCKED UP SYSTEM...& generations of abuse...the system said it could fix...Irony it was a big part of fucking shit up in the first place...generation upon generation of buy-in to the market driven economics of the greedy & powerful...
SYSTEMS...POWERS & PRINCIPALITIES...all for the sake of control & "good order" (that would be church speak for lets not rock the boat) that feeds the top & slowly starves & bleeds the bottom...
Liberals...let me tell ya...NOT EVERYONE IS GOOD OR WANTS TO BE...NOR can you think you can fix it by trying to control "THEM"...you can't put flowers on shit & expect it to smell pretty...
Conservatives...let me tell ya...Not everyone is out to take from you what you think you OWN...& history is not as nostalgic as you wish to convince me of...
Putting all the responsibility on personal choices...that add to the SHAME OF EXISTING...AS A HUMAN...for it is only we humans with the ability to cannibalize each other simply for our personal sport or entertainment...
I watch from a very early age my Mother suffer as I do...I watched her fight...to be heard...to get to the source...to find relief...I watched as her body was ravaged by their pharma experimentation...
She taught me to be strong...I used to be angry..but now I am grateful...cause I learned...I learned early to ignore my pain...to deny my pain...to stand even when I could barely keep my balance...
My father's favorite sport...how long can Gina take the hits before she breaks...His last beating...I was so good at taking pain...I took 28 lashes of a leather belt across my bare back...I still wear the scars...& went to school for a week with a pillow & bloody pants...but I took it...with barely a tear....& with the defiance he required...
Most of you may not recognize this...& I don't really care if you do...But I never got into the "street drug" scene...& I refused the pharma...at least for my pain till I was already in a wheelchair from the pain...after having tried so very hard not to become what I saw happen to my mother...
But the truth is...once the system had labeled me...Voc-Rehabilitation of our US Gov...once declared me "emotionally incompetent" told me I would never be capable of higher education...& not likely capable of employment...then they began "treatment"...& so began the anti-depressant regime...I was 20yrs old...& the system had already decided my fate...
THEY WERE FUCKING WRONG...PERIOD...
I refused the LEGAL narcotics till I was a full fledged Ordained Pastor of my own congregation...I wanted to work...I wanted to serve...I wanted NOT TO BE THE NEEDY PATHETIC WAIF...I had been made out to be...
I AM A Patient...I'm not looking for my next fix...I'm not looking for the easy out...I simply want access to the nature that my body needs to function well...the nature we were all gifted with by creation...
I am so very grateful for the Cannabis Activist who have taught me the TRUTH...& continue to fight for those like me...I VOW TO GROW...& PASS IT FORWARD
AS FOR YOU GREEDY MOTHER FUCKERS WHO HAVE BOUGHT THE SYSTEMS BULLSHIT HOOK LINE & SINKER...& NOW ARE POISED TO CAPITALIZE ON THE LEGAL MARKET...YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES...i WILL GROW...& i WILL SUFFER WHEN IT'S NOT ENOUGH...I WILL NO LONGER FEED YOUR GREED AT MY EXPENSE...
